The Parents

The other week, the lovely fiancee and I took a trip to Dobson, North Carolina, to visit her parents. This relates to the wedding planning in two ways.

For one thing, we learned that the area is part of a burgeoning wine industry. We accidentally discovered this when we stumbled across the Harvest Grill, a fine dining restaurant at a nearby vineyard. The wine they served at dinner was really nice, so the next day, we decided to take a driving tour of some of the other local vineyards.

One of the first vineyards we visited that day was Shadow Springs Vineyard, run by a relatively young couple. The lovely fiancee can probably speak with more authority about their wines if she chooses, but she felt that their regular wines were a little less complex than the ones we tried at the older, more established wineries. Where they did excel, we felt, was with their special, unique wines. We were particularly impressed with Dark Shadow, a red wine with chocolate added. It was fantastic on its own, and even better mixed with Shortcake, their strawberry wine. We bought a bottle of each, along with a bottle of Shadow Mist (which reminded Lura of Christmas.)

The more we talk about it, the more likely it is that we'll be serving Dark Shadow at the reception. We liked it that much. And we wouldn't have discovered it if we hadn't gone out to North Carolina.

The main reason for the visit, however, wasn't to drink wine (although that turned out to be a handy thing). It was to visit her family, and it was my first time meeting the future in-laws.

Since this is the first (and presumably last) time I've ever been engaged, this is the first time I've had to go through a meeting like this. I was a little anxious, in the same way that Seattle gets a little rain. Lura had told me stories about her family, but honestly, I wasn't really worried about whether or not I would like them. I was worried about how they'd react to me.

In particular, I was kind of concerned about meeting her dad. Here's the kind of guy he is: we landed in Raleigh after ten o'clock, and it was pouring down rain. And he still had to warn us to drive carefully, because (he told us) it was dark and wet out.

Now, as readers of my other blog will know, I'm having trouble dealing with pushy folks right now. I've never been a fan of the kind of ego that feels the need to offer up unasked-for (and usually obvious and unnecessary) advice, just to prove that they Know Things. My dad used to say that if you need to toot your own horn, it's because there's nobody else tooting it for you. And I really don't like having to play that game myself.

On the other hand, this being the first time I was meeting him, I wanted to make a good impression. And by "good," I mean I didn't want him to think I was a pushover. So I gave as good as I got, and I think it worked out okay. I tried not to push back so hard that I seemed obstinate or intractable, but just enough to make it clear that I had a mind and will of my own.

At the end of the day, I suppose it doesn't really matter what Lura's family thinks of me. In practical terms, there's nothing they could actually materially withhold from her. They aren't supporting her financially, and they aren't helping pay for the wedding or the honeymoon or anything. She's made her decision to be with me. I'd like to think that if they didn't approve of the marriage, and threatened to boycott the wedding or cut her off from the family, she'd still stick with me.

But family is a weird thing. And this is the first time I've found myself joining a new one. In practical terms, it doesn't matter what they think of me; I hadn't even talked to any of them before this trip. But I want them to accept and respect me for who I am, both because it will make my own life go more smoothly, and also because it reflects well on Lura.

I think I was successful. Both her parents told me that they thought Lura seemed very happy with me. They think I am good for her and am treating her well. I think I'm just treating her the way she deserves to be treated, but I'll take the approval wherever I can get it.

So that's another hurdle out of the way.